FEELS LIKE BREATHING

The good, the bad and the unexpected of 6 months off the gram.

I recently read a book called ‘How to Break Up with Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life’ by Catherine Price (which I highly recommend if you need a serious intervention) because I, like so many of us, had a repulsively unhealthy relationship with my little rectangular friend, and my family were starting to voice their concerns…

After being scared sh*tless by the science behind what our phones do to our brains (disclaimer: they affect our mental health, focus, memory and general intelligence in more ways that you can imagine), and being horrified to discover that I was averaging almost SIX HOURS ‘screen time’ a day (OH the shame), I decided to skip the 30 day ease-in and took the drastic action of deactivating and deleting the one krypton-app that I knew was keeping me coming back for more: Instagram.

It has now been 6 whole months free of selfies, social validation and 2am scroll-holes that rendered me sad & exhausted the following day, my screen time has halved and my phone no longer rules my life. Here’s what I’ve learned and how I’ve changed since going cold social turkey….

I CARE LESS Simply put – I give less of a toss what other people are doing with their lives, and care less about people knowing what I’m doing with mine. In the last 6 months I’ve been on holiday to Greece and Scotland, received some announcement-worthy news, and have been to more fancy “food porn” restaurants than I can count (or afford)… and no one is any the wiser. I no longer feel the need to document every event, trip and good hair day because it is no one’s business, and it adds no value to my day, or my life. I’ve also realised It doesn’t benefit me to know what 750 strangers had for their dinner each night. I know what’s going on in my closest friends and family’s lives, and they know what’s going on in mine – everything else is just outside noise that takes me away from my own private pod of discreet happiness.

I AM MORE PRESENT

This is something I know my family and friends have noticed and appreciate... When I am spending quality time with them, when I am having a conversation, when I am at a beautiful location or eating food at a restaurant… I am truly there. I don’t feel the need to photograph everything or check to see what other people are doing, I am liberated from that constant nagging feeling andwith perspective, I realise how all-consuming that feeling really was. I’ve also begun to notice when other people are on their phones while I’m talking to them and just how rude that is… I’m embarrassed that it used to be me.

I AM MORE CONNECTED TO PEOPLE IN MY LIFE

It sounds bizarre that deleting a social app can bring you closer to people in your life, but it truly has. Because I am no longer receiving a constant media stream update of everyone’s day-to-day lives… I reach out and ask them how they are and what’s been going on, and they do the same to me. If someone is going on holiday, I will ask them to send me pictures directly and tell me about their day, which makes space for authentic conversations that aren‘t lost in the noise of their DM’s. Admittedly it’s still time spent on my phone… but it feels far less depleting, and far more personal.

I FEEL LESS ANXIOUS, AND MORE HAPPY

I’m a sensitive soul, and seeing something online that makes me sad, jealous, nervous or angry (and the act of spending so much time on my phone itself) affects my mood more than I'd care to admit... and I’m not alone. Around the world, studies show that social media has extortionate impacts on our mental health (see article). When it causes us so much psychological harm it begs the question why we don’t just simply stop engaging (a question my parents love to ask me), but the same can be said for drinking, gambling, smoking, drugs, sex and any other addictions - we do it because we are creatures of habit. Over the last 5 months, the need to constantly keep checking… checking what people were doing, wearing, who they are with, how their lives are better than mine… slowly faded away. After a few weeks it was gone completely and I felt FREE. Of all the things I could have hoped to gain from this social detox - this one takes the biscuit.

I AM MORE PRODUCTIVE

Without the distraction of picking up my phone I can dive into tasks with a clear head and heightened concentration because I'm not fixated on outside noise. I achieve things more efficiently and get more done in the day, which leads to me going to bed feeling more satisfied & accomplished, and hating myself less with the knowledge that I haven’t spent 3 hours watching reels of sad people pranking their cats.

I AM SLEEPING BETTER

No scroll-holes = more Z’s, and less blue light before bed = better quality sleep. This paired with the decreased anxiety makes bedtime a much greater success which in turn means makes space for more energised mornings… and so the beautiful cycle continues.

…It's worth acknowledging that none of the above is ground-breaking stuff. I’m sure we can all predict the benefits that can be reaped from taking a social media break, and we all have our own reasons to consider it. It was never my intention to come off the app for this long, but I’m proud of myself for sticking to my guns so I can really acknowledge the change in myself.

Of course, it wouldn’t be fair to talk about all the good without the bad… and so I'll admit that, although I feel closer to certain people in my life as a result of the detox, unsurprisingly I also feel less connected with those other people that I don’t see quite as much but still like to check in with now and then (you know the types - great aunts Mildreds, ex-housemates, old school friends) - I miss connecting with those people. I also miss the feel-good accounts that I found and treasured… the ones who survived the toxic account culling because they made me feel happy and inspired (people like Chessie King and Ashley Louise James who normalise stretch marks, ageing and fears). I miss sharing parts of my life with my friends and my not-so-friends (even though, yes i know, it adds no value to my life… it’s still fun). I miss funny reels and relatable memes. I miss the goddamn social validation.

If and when I do re-open my personal Instagram account I hope I can be mindful of how many hours I am dedicating to it, and create a healthier relationship remembering that 99% of what I see online is a fabrication of reality. Instagram can be a lovely, supportive, fun place and for many people it’s a community that helps them feel more connected and less alone. I am not bashing Instagram because it has its place, and I love to see that more and more people are choosing to use their platforms for good. The sad reality remains, however, that these apps are designed to be addictive (see The Social Dilemma documentary), and it’s important to monitor your behaviour and be aware of the impact it is having on various aspects of life, particularly regarding your connections with other people and your mental health. Deleting Instagram for 6 months is drastic and not necessary for everyone, but I think we can all benefit from taking regular 2 week breaks (particularly if you‘re finding it hard to stick to boundaries with your phone). Your account will be waiting for you when you get back, and you can return with a bit of perspective and a healthier headspace.